Well, f*ck me! … Because NU is rightfully leading off our look back at Week 1. From a pure rankings perspective, Northwestern and Texas A&M had, without a doubt, the most impressive victories this past weekend. But, I’ll be damned if the NU win wasn’t more surprising than the A&M one. I didn’t see that one coming and neither did our friend Desmond.
So, what does this tell us about Northwestern, Texas A&M, Arizona State and Stanford? Well…. it doesn’t tell us shit, really. Not only does it not tell us shit, but we aren’t even deep enough in the season to play everyone’s favorite – the transitive property game (e.g. Team A beat Team B by 50 and Team B beat Team C by 10, so Team A will beat the hell out of Team C). So, calm down everyone. It was Week 1. NU may turn out to be a raging dumpster fire by season’s end. At the same time, Arizona State may be this year’s Ohio State. Or maybe that’s Stanford. Whatever… let’s focus on the shit we do know after this weekend.
1. Ohio State’s offense is historically good. You’d be hard pressed to find a more dynamic and electrifying offense in the history of college football than this year’s version of Ohio State. This team is absurd on the offensive side of the ball. I’m now convinced of the following. One – Braxton Miller is a better version of Percy Harvin. Two – Ezekiel Elliott is the best running back in the nation. Three – The BuckNuts’ backup QB is a top 10 QB in the nation. And Four – Michael Thomas is going to have a looooooong career in the NFL.
2. Ezekiel Elliott is possessed….. and not in the “he’s a helluva running back” kind of way. First, he looked like a bat out of hell walking alongside Corch Irving Mayas on his way out of the locker room. But…… what the f*ck is this?
3. James Franklin cannot coach. Forget for a second that Penn State lost. We could let that pass (hell, yours truly saw that coming in last week’s edition). What’s more alarming for the Nittany Lions faithful is that Penn State fell victim to the exact same issue that plagued this team last year – shitty O line play and piss poor play calling. HackenSack was sacked 10 times, the offense looked worse than Stanford’s and even former Penn State players got in on the bitching after the game.
4. Derrick Henry needs to get his pad level down. This dude has all the talent in the world and he’s certainly no slouch as is. After all, he scampered for 147 and 3 scores against the Badgers. But, I’m somewhat surprised that nobody on Alabama’s offensive staff has taught this guy to run lower. He’s 6’3 as is, so that’s certainly not helping the cause, but my god…. you don’t have to run upright like a f*cking T Rex. This dude is going to get his bell rung at the most inopportune time this season and fumble the shit out of the ball. Will it be against Georgia? LSU? Auburn? Who knows….. but this guy is a fumble waiting to happen. Derrick, ask your boy Ed Lacy what happens when you don’t get your pad level down.
5. The State of Utah Would be Drunk…. were it not for our friend Joseph Smith. Utah State stumbled their way to an opening victory over Southern Utah, but Utah had an impressive season debut against Jimmy and co and then BYU did this. I would feel bad for Nebraska, but karma’s a bitch. That, and something tickles my fancy about seeing our friends in Utah tempted by the celebratory festivities. Was the Coca Cola flowing on the flight home from Lincoln? I hope it was caffeine free!
Let’s take a look back at our wild predictions from last week:
- TCU (-17) @ Minnesota – TCU wins by 25+ and hangs 50 on a solid Gophers defense FAIL
- Washington @ Boise State (-12) – At least one person gets ejected in this game ?? DON’T THINK SO, BUT DON’T CARE ENOUGH TO LOOK AT THE GAME LOG
- Penn State (-7) @ Temple – Temple wins…. James Franklin looks even dumber BIG WIN!
- Akron @ Oklahoma (-31.5) – Perine runs for 200…. in the first half MAJOR FAIL… PERINE ONLY HAD 33 YARDS RUSHING IN THE GAME!
- Wisconsin @ Alabama (-10.5) – This will get ugly. Wisconsin complete less than 10 passes. IT GOT UGLY, BUT WISCONSIN COMPLETED MORE THAN 10 PASSES
Here are some wild predictions for this week:
- Oregon State @ Michigan (-16.5) – Harbaugh starts off 0-2. Everyone panics.
- Miami (OH) @ Wisconsin (-32) – Wisconsin rushes for 400 yards. Everyone realizes how good Alabama’s run D is (as long as they aren’t playing Ohio State).
- Hawaii @ Ohio State (-41) – A 4th OSU QB scores a TD in this one. Everyone suspects Meyer of cheating on the recruiting trail.
- Notre Dame (-13) @ Virginia – ND wins big. Everyone freaks out and wonders if ND is actually a contender.
- Oklahoma (-1) @ Tennessee – Oklahoma wins by double digits. Everyone on Rocky Top wishes it was still 1998.