Last week was a treat for yours truly. Yes, the weather was delightful in the West Lot (props to NGN for giving us some Facebook love). Yes, Auburn looked like a raging dumpster fire and almost lost to Jacksonville State (note: this is not the same Jacksonville that I rep wherever I go. Nor is it Young Cash’s Jacksonville). Yes, Florida is imploding from within and they’ve only played 2 games under the now apologetic Jim McElwain. Yes, Marco Rubio is the dumbest politician of all time for instigating interstate hostility and questioning the intelligence of a good amount of the voting population in his own state.
That’s all great.
But, nothing – and maybe nothing for the rest of the year – will top the hilarity that occurred in Little Rock this past weekend. For those who weren’t aware, Arkansas went out and laid a big giant egg losing to Toledo on Saturday. That, in and of itself, is hilarious. But, what makes this even more entertaining is that SEC homers (and coaches) had spent the previous week berating Ohio State for playing a soft schedule. So, while we’re talking about laying eggs, let’s give Paul Finebaum credit for wiping the egg off his face while Brett Bielema does something with the f*cking omelette he has on his face. It’s no secret that Bielema is one of the genuine scumbags in college athletics, so nothing made me happier than seeing the Rockets embarrass the shit out of him.
There’s a simple lesson here – don’t worry about anything outside of your control until the season is over and done with. If you get left out of the College Football Playoff, then you can whine and complain like Baylor and proceed to invalidate your entire argument by losing your bowl game. But, until then, let me diagnose the strengths and weaknesses of the other guys.
- The Top of the B1G – The rest of the conference might be as mediocre as it gets, but Sparty and the BuckNuts are bonafide title contenders.
- BYU’s Hail Mary – Two weeks in a row? Are you kidding me? If they do this again this week I’m converting.
- Florida’s Tackling – Last year the Gators put on a clinic blocking each other. This year, they’ve stepped it up a notch (note: the right play was to go down… not to tackle your teammate).
- Tennessee’s Ability to Close Games – Nothing new here. Good Ole Rocky Top!
- Rutgers Staying Out of Trouble – Armed Robbery. Domestic Assault. You name it…. Kyle Flood is in trouble.
- The Texas Longhorns – Uh….. whoa. What the hell happened here? This team was in the national title game 6 years ago. I’m concerned about your fans too.
Enough fun, let’s take a look back at our wild predictions from last week:
- Oregon State @ Michigan (-16.5) – Harbaugh starts off 0-2. Everyone panics. FAIL. This looked dicey early, but Michigan’s D was stout.
- Miami (OH) @ Wisconsin (-32) – Wisconsin rushes for 400 yards. Everyone realizes how good Alabama’s run D is (as long as they aren’t playing Ohio State). KIND OF. I’m taking a pass here because Corey Clement ended up not playing and Wisconsin needed to do very little to win 58-0. The spirit of the prediction held true.
- Hawaii @ Ohio State (-41) – A 4th OSU QB scores a TD in this one. Everyone suspects Meyer of cheating on the recruiting trail. FAIL. But, the punter did throw a pass. Does that count as a 4th OSU QB? How about a TD?
- Notre Dame (-13) @ Virginia – ND wins big. Everyone freaks out and wonders if ND is actually a contender. KIND OF. Again, I’m taking a pass given that Zaire went down for the season here. ND still won in typical miraculous fashion.
- Oklahoma (-1) @ Tennessee – Oklahoma wins by double digits. Everyone on Rocky Top wishes it was still 1998. KIND OF. OU won in OT (not by double digits), but everyone certainly wishes it was still 1998 on Rocky Top.
Here are some wild predictions for this week:
- Georgia Tech (-2.5) @ Notre Dame – Another key ND player goes down for the season. Fans wonder if Rudy will have to suit up by season’s end.
- Auburn @ LSU (-7) – Auburn QB Jeremy Johnson throws at least 2 more picks. LSU covers.
- Ole Miss @ Alabama (-6.5) – Per last week’s comment, Derrick Henry coughs up the ball at the wrong time because he can’t get his pad level down. Ole Miss wins and moves into the top 5.
- Illinois @ UNC (-10) – Illinois wins. Nobody has any clue if they are actually half decent.
- Clemson (-6) @ Louisville – Louisville wins. This serves as a friendly reminder not to play the transitive property game.